Family is extremely important to the ESFJ personality type and they’ll dedicate all of their considerable warmth and attention to making their family members happy. This usually makes them natural parents and partners who often find their deepest meaning in caring for others in this intense and focused way.
ESFJs and their Preferred Family Structures
ESFJs are usually very traditionally minded by nature. They prefer taking on traditional roles in their family, and will encourage others in their family group to do the same. ESFJs use introverted sensing as their auxiliary function. This cognitive function has a deep seated respect and allegiance to the way things were done in the past, which often creates this strong preference. ESFJs see these ties to the past as the kind of security and stability that they instinctively seek out and create in their familial relationships, and will often have trouble if this foundation is taken away from them.
Because of their reliance on the past to dictate and judge the present, ESFJs usually don’t like nontraditional family structures. To them, the past is always better, and the idea of the nuclear family is deeply tied to their expectations of family life. This attachment can sometimes cause them to be intolerant of people who are in nontraditional families, and they would rarely if ever make this choice for themselves. Because of this attachment to the past, ESFJs will fight to stay a part of a traditional family group even when it might be obvious that the arrangement isn’t working. This type tends to take it very hard when their perfect family breaks up and may deny the truth to themselves and to others for a long time before being made to accept it.
The Dark Side of Families
ESFJs can have trouble letting go of relationships and of their families even when the dynamic is deeply destructive or damaging. This type leads with extraverted feeling, which drives them to meet the needs of the people around them. This function is so attuned to the emotions and needs of others that people who use it sometimes neglect their own needs. ESFJs can become burned out and exhausted mentally, emotionally and even physically when they do this. Unfortunately, some unhealthy types take advantage of this tendency to improve their own life at the cost of the ESFJs health and wellbeing. And when this happens, ESFJs may stay in an unhealthy family far longer than they should because of their need to take care of the people who are using them.
Domestic Life and Potential Sources of Stress
ESFJs are extremely dependable people who love their family life and work hard to create the stability and routines that they crave to feel happy and secure. In a happy, well connected family this can make for a very organized and peaceful household. But if their family structure becomes unstable or if it starts to decay, ESFJs can take it very hard. They usually believe in the traditional family structure, where everyone stays together no matter what. To have that value and that source of support fail can be devastating to this type and leave them questioning everything about their beliefs and about who they are. Even temporary separations will be hard for most ESFJs, and if a member of their family chooses to leave it will cause a lot of turmoil and confusion for them. ESFJs have to manage their emotions carefully after these types of events to make sure the experience doesn’t leave them bitter or seeking revenge against those who hurt them.
Finances and other Responsibilities
ESFJs lead with extraverted feeling. This function cares a lot about what other people think, it’s extremely subject to social rules and norms and it will usually strongly affect an ESFJs home life. Their house is likely to be picture perfect, displaying the harmony and stability that this type craves and thinks of as an integral part of a healthy family unit. Because of this belief, ESFJs will be happy to perform any type of household chore and will see it as just another way to care for the people around them.
ESFJs tend to be good at dealing with money. They’re naturally detail orientated and don’t mind the paperwork and minutia that comes along with these kinds of tasks. However, they can become a little too focused on showing off their wealth if they come to associate it with social acceptance and approval and need to be aware of this tendency. But if the ESFJ has a good relationship with money, and a strong sense of self and identity, they usually see money as a tool to make their family happy and will safeguard it for this purpose.
Going the Extra Mile for the Family
ESFJs love to look after people and their family members will be the very happy recipients of all this care and attention. ESFJs dominant function can read other people’s emotions to an almost magical level, and this function helps ESFJs understand what their family members need almost before they know themselves. This level of care and attention is likely to extend to every member of their extended family and beyond because most ESFJs like to look after everyone they meet. This warmth, empathy and emotional intelligence will usually make the ESFJ the preferred source of comfort, support and advice for troubled family members. And the ESFJ will get a lot of satisfaction from being able to support their loved ones in this way.
ESFJs are also very practical people. They have a deep respect for the past which means they understand the value of celebrating it. ESFJs are likely to plan birthday parties and anniversaries with deceptive ease, and will love having everyone close and having fun because of their efforts. ESFJs are also naturally social, so they’ll enjoy these kinds of events just for the chance to talk and be with the people they love.
ESFJs are naturally warm people who love to be a part of a happy family and to do all they can to make the members of that family feel secure and safe. This warmth and empathy can be very welcome within the family structure and will help to create close knit and happy families who enjoy being together and being there for each other.
- Storm Susan. “10 Signs That You Might Be an Introverted Sensor“. Oct 30, 2017. (Retrieved Feb 2018).
- “Extraverted Feeling Problems: 23 Problems People With Extraverted Feeling (Fe) Face“. (Retrieved Feb 2018).
- “ESFJ – The Caregiver“.