The ISTJ Romantic Relationships

Romantic Relationships Expectations

ISTJs value traditional values and relationships. They often don’t understand what drives people to seek out new people to date or any kind of novelty, and need a partner who’s looking for a stable, long term relationship. They’re often looking for the type of relationship that’s based on traditional gender roles and the traditional family structure as well. This type has an inherent distrust of new or changing ideas of family and relationships and prefers a partner who feels the same way.

ISTJs are reserved people who nonetheless can make their partners feel extremely valued and secure in their relationship. Because they’re so dedicated to their relationship and to their partner, ISTJs make a study of the needs involved and often have a detailed plan on how to meet them. This may even include studying their partner’s preferred love language and making every effort to ensure they feel valued in this way. They may not always get this right, but just knowing that the ISTJ is willing to go that far to make them happy usually makes their partners appreciate them even more. For themselves, ISTJs are most likely to prefer that their partner expresses their emotions through practical means, such as by performing acts of service or buying gifts. Their natural reserve and awkwardness with emotions can limit them from being able to easily accept other expressions of love, and they’re most likely to express their own emotions in these ways as well.

Meeting Potential Partners

ISTJs are naturally quiet and often have trouble meeting potential partners. They’re unlikely to ever make the first move, and can hover uncertainly on the edges of groups for a long time, waiting for others to approach them. ISTJs are also a little old fashioned in the way they approach dating and relationships as a whole. Their dominant function, introverted sensing, clings tightly to traditional values and social conventions, so they don’t usually like moving outside of these tried and true methods. That’s why they’re unlikely to meet potential partners at parties, and will avoid blind dates with all their strength. ISTJs prefer to meet their partners at work or through friends and to allow the relationship to proceed slowly from friendship to something more.

The ISTJ in the Honeymoon Stage

It can be challenging to date an ISTJ. They’re serious and family orientated, yet naturally reserved, so it can be hard to get to know them. ISTJs automatically keep parts of themselves back from others when they don’t know them well, and this can cause frustration for their potential partners. But to ISTJs, this is just common sense. They’re deep thinkers and make the decision to trust others or not based on their extraverted thinking function. This means they have to be convinced that a relationship is going to last over the long term before they’re willing to invest a lot of their time and heart into it. That’s why the honeymoon period is likely to be a long period of testing for this type, and they’ll only open up when their partner passes their relationship tests.

Moving Past the Honeymoon Stage

Once an ISTJ feels stable and safe in their relationship they also feel free to be themselves within it. This is where their true genius at creating a stable home base and strong relationship makes itself known. ISTJs devote a lot of thought and planning to their relationships and are always willing to put in the work to make them stronger and happier. This is where their overly rational mind comes into play, and they’ll dedicate it to making sure that everyone’s needs get met in the relationship without actually doing damage to the connection itself. ISTJs definitely aren’t the type to just walk away when there are problems. In fact, they often see this kind of behavior as a moral failing and a betrayal of their responsibilities. That means they’re more than willing to fight for their relationship until the sometimes bitter end.

The ISTJs Perfect Partners

ISTJs are practical, concrete thinkers who usually pair best with other personality types who use a sensing function. This allows for easy communication and a similar world view that makes their relationships run more smoothly. Because ISTJs make decisions with the auxiliary function extraverted thinking, this type of practical approach to relationships usually appeals to them. ISTJs are naturally drawn to other types who use introverted sensing as a dominant or auxiliary, because of their similar outlook on life. However, pairing with someone who uses extraverted sensing can offer ISTJs the impetus they sometimes need to get out and explore the world. This type of relationship won’t always be comfortable for this type, but it will encourage growth and contentment in the long term.

ISTJs usually pair best with personality types that use a feeling function as their dominant or auxiliary. As thinkers, ISTJs don’t have the greatest understanding of emotions, and choosing a partner with greater strength and more skill in this area can make up for their lack. It also makes for a smoother relationship, and one in which the ISTJ greatly benefits from watching how their partner deals with emotions and perhaps even learns a thing or two.

Final Thoughts

In romantic relationships, ISTJs are dedicated to their partner and to the home they’re making, and they seek this type of connection above everything else. Their respect for traditional values and structures means that they’re usually perfectly happy fulfilling their assigned role in their family, and they make excellent husbands, wives and parents, with a gift for making everyone feel stable and safe. A relationship with an ISTJ may not have the flash and excitement of other types, but they offer a slow and soothing burn that can really last.

References

1. Dodge Antonia. “Is Your Learning Mental Process Healthy?“. Jun 12, 2015. (Retrieve Feb 2018).
2. “Extraverted Thinking – (Te)“. (Retrieved Feb 2018).
3. Dr. Drenth A. J. “Extraverted Sensing (Se) vs Introverted Sensing (Si)“. (Retrieved Feb 2018).
4. “ISTJ – The Inspector“.