The ISTJ Family Life

ISTJs and their Preferred Family Structures

ISTJs are strongly tied to the traditional or appropriate family structure and won’t usually like being part of a different type of family. Their dominant function is introverted sensing, which means they judge the quality of the present according to the past, and this gives them their strong respect for tried and true institutions. An ISTJ who is confronted with an unusual family structure will usually react with confusion and censure. And this will often apply to their reliance on traditional gender roles within a family as well. Because of their reliance on the past, ISTJ often have a strong respect and preference for the traditional gender roles and rules and would never choose to move outside of these if they don’t have to.

The Dark Side of Families

ISTJs have a very strong sense of what’s right and what’s wrong and they usually believe that they’re right. This applies to their way of organizing their lives, and their expectations of other family members, and it can make them extremely critical of anyone who tries to move outside of those expectations. ISTJs also aren’t very good at expressing their emotions and they usually don’t have a very good idea of what others are feeling. This can lead them to be too strict or harsh on family members who don’t behave the way they think is right. This type of criticism can cause a lot of damage, and ISTJs need to be aware of this possibility and learn to moderate their criticisms of the people around them.

Another potential problem is the ISTJs dedication to their families. They consider this relationships to be a lifelong commitment and don’t walk away easily. This can make for a very stable family, but it can leave the ISTJ in a very dangerous situation. ISTJs have a tendency to stay in relationships even when they’re destructive or damaging, and when their commitment goes this far, it’s no longer a virtue but something they need to work to change.

Domestic Life and Potential Sources of Stress

Most ISTJs will create very structured and organized schedules for their family. They’re judging types, which means they actually feel uncomfortable and can react badly to changes, surprises or lapses in their organized systems. ¹ Any household that’s run by an ISTJ will usually run really well, really smoothly, and with little deviation or change. However, this can be an incredible source of stress for personality types who need a little more freedom. And if they rebel against the system it will cause the ISTJ a lot of stress as well. This type needs to learn to loosen up a little about their systems, particularly when it comes to children who need space to learn and grow if they’re going to be independent members of society one day.

Finances and Other Responsibilities

ISTJs are very responsible people who like creating systems to make life run smoothly and this will extend to their family life. It means that this type will happily organize the family finances and will probably quickly build up a nice little nest egg. They will be fairly conservative with their financial decisions however, and would probably never even dream of taking big chances or risks. To most ISTJs, this is only sensible. After all, taking a big risk with their money means risking losing it, and this is unacceptable to this type.

ISTJs bring this talent for organization to their family home as well. They are likely to create very organized and efficient systems to make sure the housework gets done well, and will probably insist that children and other family members do their part as well. To this type, being a productive member of society means taking care of your surroundings and they will want all of their family members to share in this value.

Going the Extra Mile in Families

ISTJs will do whatever they can to make their families happy and healthy. When they enter into a family, they consider it a lifelong commitment and responsibility, and will work tirelessly to make sure everything is functioning properly. ISTJs use extraverted thinking as their auxiliary function. This function sees the world as a series of systems, and ISTJs will see their family relationships in the same way. They can use this function to analyze the system that is their family, identify potential problem points, and come up with solutions to overcome them. This may seem a little cold-blooded to other types, but because extraverted thinking is a genius at making systems work in the external world, it’s often highly effective.

ISTJs will do best when they offer help and influence that’s practical rather than emotional. They’re much more likely to be the one driving extended family to appointments and children to sports activities rather than the one comforting someone in distress. This type aren’t very good with their own emotions, and have little awareness of the emotions of others, so showing empathy and emotional understanding is usually really hard for them. Though they can work on these skills, they will never be really good at them and are probably best letting other feeling types offer the emotional support while they focus on what they’re good at.

Final Thoughts

ISTJs are dedicated and committed members of every family. They aren’t the most flexible family members, and some types will find them too confining and rigid, but their influence can create very stable and secure families. And most ISTJs consider that to be one of the primary goals of a family group, and the best way to ensure successful family connections.

References

1. Storm Susan. “The Timeless Power of Introverted Sensing“. Sep 7, 2017. (Retrieved Feb 2018).
2. Storm Susan. “How You Use Extraverted Thinking – Based On Its Location in Your Function Stack“. Jan 20, 2017. (Retrieved Feb 2018).
3. “ISTJ Personal Growth“. (Retrieved Feb 2018).
4. “ISTJ – The Inspector“.

Footnotes

1. Judging types are people who have J as the final letter in their 4 letter designation. They prefer to organize the outside world because their minds are usually naturally disorganized. P or Perceiving types are the opposite.