ISFJs love to be in warm, loving relationships. They’re naturally warm and social, so they thrive when they have other people to care for and take care of, and that’s one of the reasons why romantic relationships are so important to this type. Anyone in a relationship with an ISFJ will find them attentive to their needs and always happy to help them get those needs met. And as long as their partner is willing to do the same in return, the ISFJ will happily settle into the connection they’ve made.
Romantic Relationship Expectations
ISFJs need partners who are just as committed to the relationship as they are. People who don’t take things seriously or who prefer more casual relationships can cause incredible harm to this type. Most ISFJs have already experienced this pain, so they’re naturally cautious with a new partner until they’re convinced it will work. And once they feel stable, the ISFJ will commit themselves completely to their relationship. ISFJs are happiest in this space, when they’re building a family and a home with someone. And as long as their partner loves and appreciates them and everything they do, the ISFJ will quite happily devote themselves to creating a safe, nurturing nest for them to enjoy.
ISFJs naturally express their emotions by doing things for their partner. Their natural shyness means that they don’t say the words easily, so they’re more likely to perform acts of service. Another way in which they show their affection is by naturally adapting to their partner’s love language. Because of their high emotional intelligence, they’re often able to sense what their partner needs to feel loved and make sure they express themselves in that way. And this willingness and ability to adapt is perhaps one of the most loving ways to show someone that they’re loved and appreciated.
Meeting Potential Partners
Despite their warmth and their desire to be in a happy romantic relationships, ISFJs can have trouble finding the right partner. They’re usually fairly shy and quiet, and often avoid putting themselves in situations that make them uncomfortable. And unfortunately, social situations such as parties make them extremely uncomfortable. This can lead to some lonely years for the ISFJ until they learn to open their minds and hearts to people they meet through the normal course of the day. Interactions with workmates and friends are usually fairly easy and comfortable for this type, and so they’re much more likely to find a potential partner in these types of settings because they’re more relaxed.
ISFJs in the Honeymoon Stage
ISFJs want a long term relationship. They don’t like casual dating and they choose their potential partners according to this potential for a long term connection. This is the most important value to this type, and partners who think about dating more casually can cause them great pain if they later turn around and decide they don’t want anything serious. Most ISFJs have experienced this, so they’re naturally cautious in the initial stages of a relationship. ISFJs also find it difficult to open up to people they don’t know well, but they consider the dating and honeymoon period as a chance to get to know their potential partner and learn if they can be trusted. And if they can, the ISFJ will slowly reveal the true depths of their emotions and their gentle, loyal heart.
Moving Past the Honeymoon Stage
As the ISFJs relationship moves past the honeymoon stage and into something more permanent they’ll start to reveal their truest selves to their partners. The ISFJ is naturally attentive, attuned to their partner’s needs, and warm, and they’ll use all of this to keep their partner happy and the relationship healthy. But ISFJs won’t keep doing this forever if they don’t receive love and support in return. Actually, if they feel chronically unappreciated or like their partner is criticizing them they’re likely to explode. And because their extraverted feeling function gives them insight into their partner, including their weak spots, their words usually really hit the mark. ISFJs can cause a lot of damage to their relationship if they get to this point, so they need to work on expressing their needs before it gets this far.
The ISFJs Perfect Partners
ISFJs use extraverted feeling as their auxiliary function. 1 This cognitive function gives them an incredible emotional intelligence, allowing them to sense others’ moods with an almost unbelievable accuracy. This function makes them a good match for introverted feeling types, who sometimes have trouble expressing or understanding their emotions, and also for thinkers who can have the same types of problems. 2
ISFJs usually pair best with other personality types that use a sensing function. The abstract, sometimes overly speculative nature of some intuitive types just doesn’t match well with the practical, grounded ISFJ. Other types that use introverted sensing bond particularly well with ISFJs. Because introverted sensing relies heavily on the past to determine present actions, beliefs and values, sharing this function can make it easier for an ISFJ and their partner to understand each other. However, partnering with someone who uses extraverted sensing can also help the ISFJ. This combination can encourage the ISFJ to get out and explore the world more and this will encourage growth.
In the right relationships, ISFJs can be almost perfect partners. Their incredible emotional intelligence helps them to better understand their partner and automatically works to meet their emotional, physical and mental needs. The ISFJ thrives in relationships, often unveiling the truest extent of their kindness, compassion and empathy, and anyone lucky enough to be in a relationship with this type will find themselves the very happy recipients of all this attention and care.
- “Dr. Gary Chapman Explains The 5 Love Languages“. Apr 23, 2013. (Retrieved Jan 2018).
- Storm Susan. “How Do YOU Use Extraverted Feeling?“. Dec 17, 2015. (Retrieved Feb 2018).
- Moore Julie. “Introverted Sensing vs Extroverted Sensing“. Feb 18, 2015. (Retrieved Feb 2018).
- “ISFJ – The Nurturer“.
- The auxiliary is the second cognitive function in the stack and indicates what the individual has a natural affinity for and understanding of. This also reflects the skills the individual should work on if they want to grow in a way that’s most natural for their personality type.
- Thinkers are personality types that use extraverted or introverted thinking as their dominant or auxiliary. Because these types use their thinking process to make decisions, they often don’t have the emotional intelligence of other types.