As one of the more solitary personality types, INTJs are very cautious about creating their own families. This type needs a lot of time alone and can’t handle too many close connections, so the idea of creating a network of them can seem overwhelming. But when they do, INTJs gain new dimensions to their lives that give them a lot more satisfaction and happiness than they ever expected.
INTJs and their Preferred Family Structures
INTJs are quiet thinkers and they have unique needs within family relationships. They have an almost overwhelming need to have a lot of time alone, so are usually open to a variety of family structures that allow them the freedom they need. INTJs often set up families that are located in different houses or even different cities, which allows them to enjoy both the familial connections as well as the personal space they need. INTJs are also strongly connected to the future. They spend most of their time assessing information and projecting it forward to determine the outcomes of present day decisions. For this reason, they’re more likely to accept any family configuration they believe will work rather than depend on traditional structures that probably won’t.
The Dark Side of Families
INTJs are naturally independent and will usually retreat from a relationship when it doesn’t meet their needs. Their auxiliary function, extraverted thinking, constantly assesses the systems around them to make sure they’re working properly, so they don’t often have trouble leaving a family that they consider broken. This function combines with their introverted intuition dominant to give them a good sense of how their actions and decisions will play out in the future as well. And this type of understanding means they’re likely to predict problems ahead of time and act to avoid or negate them. Unfortunately, this power of prediction isn’t perfectly accurate, so they may enter into a relationship that goes bad later, but usually they’ll see the danger well ahead of time and avoid it.
Domestic Life and Potential Sources of Stress
INTJs like to keep their external world organized. They’re judging types, which means that their minds tend to be fairly chaotic, and they control their external world in response. 1 Most INTJS instinctively create routines and schedules around themselves, and feel more comfortable when those schedules are adhered to without any deviations. This can make them very dependable in a family unit. They’re likely to know all the special dates, write them down, and even plan for them weeks or months in advance. They’ll also be masters at family scheduling. The only problem comes when life or other family members disrupt the schedule, and this will cause a lot of stress for the INTJ.
Because INTJs are so internally focused, they can spent long periods on their own without negative effects. This is fine when they’re single, but when they’re a part of a family it can cause problems. INTJs can get so caught up in their inner world that they neglect the people around them, truly don’t notice them until they’re forced to. The people around them may think that the INTJ is deliberately ignoring them, or is angry at them, when the INTJ is really just caught up in the infinite possibilities within their own head. Because of this tendency, INTJs don’t usually mind if life changes cause long separations from their loved ones. They’ll always be glad to see them again, but INTJs tend to enjoy the time spent with only their own minds for company.
Finances and Other Responsibilities
INTJs are methodical thinkers who usually like learning new things and this means they’ll enjoy working out how to handle their family’s finances. They’ll usually be quite good at it too, because INTJs are detail orientated and enjoy creating effective systems that work well in the external world. When it comes to both making and using the family’s money properly, INTJs will be happy to contribute any way they can, and will often consider it a point of pride to know that they’re contributing to making the system work better.
INTJs aren’t externally focused people. Of all the personality types, they’re probably the most disconnected from the external world. This is because of their dominant function of introverted intuition, which is constantly making patterns from information and using it to predict the future. Because of this internal preoccupation, INTJs often won’t see the state of their home, and won’t notice when things are messy or need to be dusted. That being said, INTJs will sometimes enjoy organizing their house so it functions more efficiently, they just won’t mind if it’s a little messy at the same time.
Going the Extra Mile for the Family
INTJs aren’t the warmest people and usually won’t end up as the emotional center of their family. They often struggle to give emotional support or show empathy during times of trouble and are much more likely to give practical advice and support. That being said, INTJs have an almost preternatural understanding of how events and decisions will play out in the future. They spend a lot of their time using the information they constantly gather from the world to make these predictions, and they usually get quite good at it. So when an INTJ gives advice or direction, their family needs to accept that it’s usually based on this understanding of how present actions create the future, and take it in that spirit.
INTJs are quiet members of a family that nonetheless really enjoy being part of the warmth and connections that are an integral part of a happy family. They’re also naturally attuned to how the present and past creates the future and will use this understanding to do whatever they can to make the system that is the family run smoothly. INTJs often struggle to show this appreciation of their family members, but will work hard to express it in non-verbal ways and to encourage the people around them to grow together.
- Granneman Jenn. “How Introverted Intuition Works For INFJs nad INTJs“. Oct 6, 2016. (Retrieved Feb 2018).
- “Tactics: Judging vs. Prospecting“. 2016. (Retrieved Feb 2018).
- “INTJ – The Mastermind“.