The INFP Romantic Relationships

Romantic Relationship Expectations

INFPs are full of expectations for their partner in a relationship. In fact, their expectations can be the source of a lot of problems. INFPs have an idealistic, dreamy nature, so they’ll often construct a perfect partner in their heads, and be devastated when they realize their partner is mortal and makes mistakes like everyone else. But on a more realistic level, INFPs dream about someone who will understand their deep and complex emotional world. They dream of someone who will explore the external world with them. And they dream about someone who will share the kind of deep, thoughtful connection that INFPs offer to the few they consider loved ones.

INFPs can be intense in relationships. They don’t let many people deeply into their lives, preferring to focus on a few to an almost frightening degree. This can be a good thing for the INFPs romantic relationship because they’ll focus on it to the exclusion of everything else, working hard to keep their connection to their partner warm and honest. And this kind of dedication can be hard to find, and it can also be key to keeping a couple together and happy.

INFPs use introverted feeling as their dominant function. This gives them an understanding of emotions and how they influence ideas, beliefs, choices and behaviors. However, because this function is introverted, users often have trouble expressing those emotions to their partner. They’re likely to be very open to their partners preferred way of expressing their emotions, but may struggle to express their own verbally or even through casual physical contact. INFPs are much more likely to prefer to spend quality time with their partner, getting to know them on an even deeper level, or to express their emotions through heartfelt, quiet acts of service and assistance.

Meeting Potential Partners

INFPs can be reserved and shy, with an untapped reservoir of emotion and feeling under their quiet surface. Despite their quiet nature, they usually enjoy meeting new people and spending time with them, and are actually one of the most social of the introvert types, which often results in them being mistaken for extraverts. Because of these qualities, INFPs usually have lots of chances to meet potential partners while they’re out enjoying their life and spending time with people. Their natural quietness may stop them from making the first move with a potential partner, but their understanding of emotions usually helps them to make the connection they want anyway.

The INFP in the Honeymoon Stage

INFPs can be overwhelming in the honeymoon stage. They’re natural dreamers and idealists, and can spend too much time comparing their real relationship with the ideal relationship in their head. This ideal relationship may be a past relationship that they’ve latched onto and re-made, or it can be straight out of their fertile imaginations. And when a real life person is held up to this ideal, it can never go well. Unfortunately, this tendency spells the end of many INFP relationships, either because the INFP ends the relationship because it isn’t ideal, or because their partner does when they realize they can’t live up to the INFPs expectations. This is something most INFPs need to work on if they ever want to get beyond this initial honeymoon stage.

Moving out of the Honeymoon Stage

Once the INFPs relationship moves out of the honeymoon stage they need to watch out for potential problems. First and foremost is their dislike of conflict. INFPs lead with introverted feeling, which makes decisions based on how things make them feel. Unfortunately, this function can lead to them obsessing over their partner’s words until they feel like a deliberate attack or insult. This tendency to overthink emotions can lead to the INFP feeling very negative about themselves and about the relationship. However, because they dislike conflict so much, they usually won’t say anything. If the INFP would talk about it, they would probably realize their partners words weren’t meant that way. But because they prefer to remain silent about the issue, the wound festers. And usually INFPs remain silent about these problems until they explode and completely ruin their relationship.

The INFPs Perfect Partner

INFPs usually pair best with other intuitive types because they use extraverted intuition as their auxiliary function. This drives them to explore the world and understand the patterns that underlie reality. And they love nothing more than to share their understanding of these patterns through conversation. Because of that preference, sensing types often have trouble understanding them, and INFPs can become impatient with the limitations on their conversational topics in a relationship with sensing types.

INFPs seem to match particularly well with personality types who use extraverted intuition as a dominant function. By choosing partners with this function, the INFP can explore the world and all it has to offer with the full participation and enthusiasm of their partner. And because people who use extraverted intuition as a dominant function are extraverts, they’re more outgoing and straightforward and can overcome the INFPs natural shyness and reluctance to act.

Final Thoughts

INFPs have very clear ideas when it comes to relationships and they need to learn to let go of some of these ideas if they want their relationships to last. Real life relationships take hard work, compromise, and the ability to forgive mistakes. These are aspects that INFPs need to work on for their long term happiness. But once they’re in a happy and loving relationship, INFPs can blossom and find their world opening up in a way they always hoped for, but also feared would never come true.

References

1. “Introverted Feeling (Fi)“. (Retrieved Jan 2018).
2. Dr Drenth A. J. “INFP Relationships, Love & Compatibility“. (Retrieved Jan 2018).
3. “INFP – The Idealist“.