The INFJ Parent

General Overview

INFJs are natural nurturers and this makes them natural parents as well. This type likes to ensure that the people around them get their needs met, which helps them to understand and relate to their children. But INFJs can also find caring for their children quite tiring, as they need a lot of time on their own to feel healthy. And if they don’t get this time they will quickly burn out, though they’re unlikely to share this need or their burn out unless they’ve done a lot of work on learning to express their own needs.

Household Organization and Discipline

One of the greatest strengths of an INFJ parent is their emotional intelligence. Because they understand other people so well, they’re unlikely to try to control their children as they grow or to try to direct that growth. Instead, INFJs are dedicated to growth itself, both for children and for adults. So as long as their child tries, is learning, and is willing to keep trying after failure, an INFJ parent will be happy to let them find their own way.

INFJs will sometimes struggle to implement a discipline regime. This personality type is more likely to sit their children down when they’ve done something wrong and explain why they shouldn’t do something. From there, the INFJ parent will hope their children will decide on their own to avoid that behaviour in the future. To an INFJ, this strategy should be more effective than just punishing their child. And for some children, this works very well. But for others it can create all sorts of problems.

The INFJ and Emotional Support

INFJs are very good at giving emotional support to their children. This type uses extraverted feeling as their secondary function, which gives them an awareness of the needs and emotions of others as well as the drive to help them meet those needs. And their children will be the very happy recipients of all that care and attention. This can actually be a problem if the INFJ parent is unhealthy, they may use their understanding of others to emotionally manipulate their children. But as long as the INFJ is in good health themselves, they’ll avoid this situation and focus their skills on benefiting their children and their life.

The INFJs Engagement Level

INFJs like to be totally engaged with their children. Having a small person who’s reliant on them and who will learn and grow beside them over the long term is like a dream to this type. While their children are young, they’ll be constantly at their side, available for any activity and helping their child find their way. INFJs usually aren’t smothering about this, because they believe their children need to find their own way, they’re just there.

But as their children grow, the INFJ will find even more pleasure in their relationships. As their children mature, the INFJs relationship with them usually changes until they’re more like friends to their children than parents. They find a lot of fulfilment in having that type of connection with their child, one that’s based on years of trust and shared understanding.

The INFJ and SJ Children

Because an INFJ understands what other people need on a deep level, they will usually be able to give their SJ children the stability and routines they need to feel safe. INFJs are judging types, which means they have a preference for routines and schedules in the external world, even if this preference is less rigid than it is in other types. But INFJs will still struggle with the SJ reliance on the past to determine their decisions and actions in the future. INFJs value autonomy and want their children to form their own values and ideals. This means they often don’t understand the SJ tendency to do this based on values from the past.

The INFJ and SP Children

SP children will usually appreciate their INFJ parent because they offer them a lot of freedom to find their own way. SPs need this to grow and learn, and an INFJ parent will offer a good balance of support and independence that works well with SPs.

One possible point of conflict between these types is the INFJs focus on the future and on possibilities. This type uses introverted intuition as their dominant function, which gives them this abstract focus, but SPs are present focused and concrete thinkers. Because of this difference, SP children may find their INFJ parent a little hard to understand and talk to sometimes. And the INFJ will struggle to connect conversationally with a child who doesn’t like to discuss speculative ideas.

The INFJ and NF Children

An NF child will often find an INFJ to be the ideal parent. INFJs have an amazing amount of emotional intelligence and this will allow them to care for their NF child in a way that both nurtures their child and encourages them to be strong and independent on their own. The INFJ parent will also understand their NF child, something that NF children desperately crave and often don’t get in many of their relationships. But because INFJs use a feeling function that focuses on others, they usually have a bone deep understanding of their NF child. And this can give their NF children a great feeling of security.

The INFJ and NT Children

It might not seem like this would be a good match, but it can be. NTs are usually very focused on rational, logical data, and the INFJ, with their focus on emotions, can find them a little hard to understand because of that tendency. However, the INFJ emotional intelligence can be of great benefit to NT children. It can encourage them to expand their own emotional intelligence and give them a source of warmth and emotional understanding that many NTs don’t like to admit that they need. An NT child will usually find that the warmth and understanding offered by their INFJ parent can create a deep emotional bond that is highly beneficial and satisfying for both parties.

Final Thoughts

INFJs often dream about having children throughout their lives and they find the actual experience just as rewarding. Through their relationship with their children, many INFJs discover unexpected depths of compassion and love within themselves, as well as a lifelong companion for the journey of life.

References

1. Branson Charis. “INFJs, The Secret To Living A Better Life Is Using Extroverted Feeling“. May 3, 2017. (Retrieved Feb 2018).
2. Granneman Jenn. “How Introverted Intuition Works For INFJs and INTJs“. Oct 6, 2016. (Retrieved Feb 2018).
3. “INFJ – The Counselor“.