INFJs are the rarest of the personality types and usually feel the most misunderstood. Because of their differences, they often struggle to feel really connected to other people and this is a source of great pain for this type. INFJs enjoy people, and enjoy being part of a family, and when they don’t feel connected because of their differences, they struggle. Being part of a strong, healthy and loving family is a gift and an honor to this type, and when they find it they give back in every way they can.
INFJs and their Preferred Family Structures
INFJs generally want other people to be happy. They work hard towards this end, and will usually accept any path that people want to take as long as it leads to that result. INFJs lead with introverted intuition. This cognitive process takes information from the present and uses it to project forward and it means that most INFJs have a good idea of where choices and actions will lead. So they’ll often be open to unusual family structures and configurations as long as they can see a good result at the end of it. INFJs will also apply this kind of thinking and openness to their understanding of gender roles. They’re more likely to encourage others to be the best they can be than to encourage them to take a role they’re unsuited for just because it’s their traditional role.
One possible barrier to this acceptance is the INFJs auxiliary function, extraverted feeling. This function is very concerned with the social structures of the world, and what others expect from them. If they become too caught up in this, they may cling too tightly to the social expectations of the people around them, and this can cause them to become rigid and intolerant of differences. This is an unusual situation for this type though, both because of their dominant function, which encourages a natural flexibility of thought, and because of their innate kindness.
The Dark Side of Families
INFJs can sometimes find themselves trapped in very unhealthy or destructive family situations. This type avoids conflict at all costs and will often do things to keep others happy to the detriment of their own happiness and health. This desire for peace can cause them to overlook problems or potential problems and hold on to a family even if it’s causing them pain or damaging them in some way.
INFJs auxiliary function just makes this more complicated. This types uses extraverted feeling as their auxiliary function and this instinctively senses and understands the emotions of others. For INFJs, this almost always results in them being the dumping ground for others’ pain and negative emotions, and this can be incredibly wearying on this type. But because of their innate kindness, they’ll find it difficult to just turn their back on the people who need them. This kindness coupled with their desire to keep the peace can result in them being reluctant to leave a bad family even when it’s probably best for all concerned.
Domestic Life and Potential Sources of Stress
INFJs are naturally organized people who like others to depend on them. This makes them good with routines and schedules and happy to be the organized center of family life. INFJs will use this position to make plans for the family and to ensure that no one in the family feels or is neglected in any way. But INFJs need to be careful that their own needs don’t get lost in the busyness of caring for other people. They have a strong tendency to neglect themselves in favor of other people and can get mentally, physically and emotionally burned out because of it. Healthy INFJs come to recognize when this is happening and take steps to perform self-care before it becomes a danger to their health or happiness.
Finances and Other Responsibilities
INFJs are judging types, which mean that they like to organize their external worlds. This tendency can combine with their natural understanding of future trends and cause them to set up very frugal and practical systems for the family’s finances. INFJs will usually find a lot of pleasure in this, both because they get to take care of other people and because they like to organize things. But INFJs relationship to money can break down if their emotions get too involved. INFJs are the type to give all their money to someone who needs it with no thought as to how that will affect their family life until it’s already done. And INFJs who control their family finances need to be aware of this possibility and guard against it.
INFJs will usually be happy to do household chores. They’re judging types, which means they like to organize the world, and this will usually translate to a very neat and organized house. This natural neatness will also be encouraged by extraverted feeling, which likes to care for people. And since having clean and healthy surroundings is a big part of making a happy and healthy family, most INFJs will dedicate themselves to this end.
Going the Extra Mile for the Family
INFJs are usually the quiet, empathetic center of any group they’re a part of, including their family group. Despite their natural quietness, this type is incredibly empathetic and warm, and this draws others to them. Most INFJs will experience this both within their family and without, it’s a rare INFJ who doesn’t have strangers on the street coming up to them to share their life stories. As long as the INFJ has learned to put boundaries around their hearts so they don’t suffer because of this ability, they’ll use this to help every single person in their family group. Healthy INFJs use this empathy to understand the problems and pains of immediate and extended family members, and will almost always be available to give sympathy and smart advice to the loved ones who need it.
This rare personality type is usually the emotional center of their family group. Despite their natural quietness, they have an innate ability to bring people together and to calm their emotions. And when the INFJ is healthy and strong enough to put up boundaries around themselves for their own protection, everyone who is connected to them will be better for this ability.
- Granneman Jenn. “How Introverted Intuition Works For INFJs and INTJs“. Oct 6, 2016. (Retrieved Feb 2018).
- Branson Charis. “INFJs, The Secret to Living a Better Life is Using Extroverted Feeling“. May 3, 2017. (Retrieved Feb 2018).
- Storm Susan. “ENFJs, INFJs and Empathy Burnout“. Dec 26, 2016. (Retrieved Feb 2018).
- “INFJ – The Counselor“.