ESTJs are extremely practical people who like to get things done in the external world and have little time for emotional drama. This can make them seem disinterested in creating or maintaining their own family, but this could not be further from the truth. Most ESTJs actually long for the stability and connectedness of a family and work hard to get it and to maintain it over the long term.
ESTJs and their Preferred Family Structures
ESTJs are usually fairly traditionally minded. Their auxiliary function is introverted sensing, which has a deep respect for and connection to the past. Because of this function, ESTJs will usually compare their family to those they’ve experienced in the past and determine their value and success based on that measurement. And a big part of this comparison is the traditional structure of families. ESTJs aren’t usually open to nontraditional family structures, preferring the traditional nuclear family complete with traditional gender roles. To an ESTJ, tried and tested things are always best, and if they’re forced into different roles or a nontraditional family they’ll often struggle to adapt.
The Dark Side of Families
ESTJs can have very rigid expectations for other family members. They usually expect their children and partner to be respectful, productive members of the family and to fit the mold the ESTJ creates for them. This can create problems if one of the family members is too different, rebellious, or questions the status quo. ESTJs don’t tolerate insubordination well, and have little patience with emotional outbursts. They’re practical thinkers, and usually don’t have a lot of emotional intelligence. This may cause them to say harsh or hurtful things to the rebel in their family to try to force them back into line. This type of criticism may be meant well by the ESTJ, but it can be hurtful to children or more sensitive personality types.
Domestic Life and Potential Sources of Stress
ESTJs naturally create a stable, scheduled environment for their family. This type enjoys order both within the household and outside of it, and will demand the same from the other members of their family. ESTJs are Judging types, which means they naturally impose order on the external world, and this strong tendency can create a very ordered and structured family environment.
ESTJs also believe strongly that each member of the family should contribute to the community, and to the family, and will work hard to teach this value to their family members. But if they perceive that others are rebelling against this belief, or against them, they’ll find it extremely disrespectful and even insulting. This will cause an incredible amount of stress and turmoil for the ESTJ, and may upset their overarching expectations of what family life should be like.
Finances and other Responsibilities
ESTJs are organized and practical and usually have no problems taking care of the family finances. To an ESTJ, this is all part of being part of a family and they excel at the kind of attention to detail and planning that comes along with these tasks. ESTJs use extraverted thinking as their dominant function and this means they like to plan and organize systems that work over the long term. If they use this function well, they will probably set in place a very practical, well thought out financial plan that doesn’t take many risks but pays dividends over the years.
ESTJs are usually tightly bound to gender roles. This means that there is often a clear division between women’s work and men’s work in the household. Male ESTJs will prefer to go to work and bring home money while their wives take care of the house. But if the ESTJ is female, this expectation won’t change. An ESTJ woman will apply her logical, rational brain to the running of the house and the care of the family and will often be happy to let her husband bring home the money and perform more masculine chores. In a sense, an ESTJ is happiest with a family structure and roles that hark back to the 1950s, and this will be reflected in the distribution of household work as well.
Going the Extra Mile for the Family
ESTJs will work hard for their families. To this type, having a family is usually one of the biggest responsibilities of being a productive member of society, and they have a deep respect for that reality. To meet this end, ESTJs will provide a secure and organized environment that encourages each member of their family to become strong individuals who are ready to take up their assigned roles in society. And they’ll work hard to fulfil their own obligations in that process.
ESTJs aren’t usually very emotionally intelligent. These types are rational thinkers who lead with a process that carefully weighs the time and resources required against the end goal to make sure their actions and choices make sense. This kind of logical thinking may work for them, but it doesn’t for all personality types. Anyone who goes to an ESTJ for emotional support or advice will usually find themselves the recipients of this kind of blunt analysis of their situation. And for personality types who are more emotional and need empathy and understanding, this kind of advice is not only useless, but also a little insulting. Family members who need emotional support will quickly find another source than an ESTJ.
In a family, ESTJs are very much like the stereotype of a father in a 1950s family. They cling tightly to these kinds of traditional values, and will not appreciate other family members trying to move out of that mold. Despite that, or perhaps because of it, ESTJs provide a stable and organized foundation for their families, working hard to instill their values and beliefs in other members. This type of family is definitely not for everyone, but the kind of stability and security it offers can be very comforting and attractive for those who share the same values.
- Storm Susan. “What Type of Sensor Are You? The Difference Between Extraverted and Introverted Sensing“. Sep 22, 2015. (Retrieved Feb 2018).
- “Emotional Intelligence“. (Retrieved Feb 2018).
- Storm Susan. “Understanding ESTJ Thinking“. Apr 21, 2017. (Retrieved Feb 2018).
- “ESTJ – The Supervisor“.