The ESFP Friendship Experience

General Overview

ESFPs are perhaps one of the most social personality types. Not only do they love having a big group of friends, and being with them as much as possible, they also like to share every facet of their lives with them. This can create relationships that are very honest, very close and perhaps even a little smothering in some cases. But ESFPs enjoy that kind of closeness, and people who don’t will probably find themselves left out of the ESFPs group.

ESFPs are always moving as well. Their dominant function, extraverted sensing, drives them to explore the world using their senses so they’re always filled with ideas, plans and activities to try. Some of these plans might be a little farfetched, but the ESFP will expect their friends to go along with them anyway. This tendency can actually get dangerous, as ESFPs sometimes don’t have the same instincts for danger or appropriate behavior as other types, resulting in conflict. In some situations, this characteristic can actually result in lost friendships, as ESFPs don’t like it when people argue with their ideas or try to stop their fun. But as long as the ESFP is in a reasonable state of mental and emotional health, this shouldn’t be a barrier to them having a lot of friends, and a lot of interesting memories.

ESFP friendships with NTs

ESFPs may sometimes make NT friends, but will often have trouble keeping them over the long term. These two personality types may initially bond over a shared interest in deeper conversational topics, but the ESFPs interest in these topics is usually fairly shallow, especially compared to the interest of an NT. This is probably due to the fact that ESFPs don’t use an intuitive function ¹, which means they prefer concrete, practical topics. NTs, who learn about the world through an intuitive function, specialize in going much deeper than the ESFP is willing to go.

Because NTs learn and prefer to talk so differently to the ESFP, it often creates misunderstandings and even conflict between the types. And ESFPs don’t like conflict. They also have a deep need for novelty that often results in them becoming bored with the NT lifestyle and focus on thought. And because ESFPs tend to be impatient and eager for their next adventure, they will usually just move on when this happens, long before a deeper bond can form. And that’s a shame, because both the ESFP and the NT could learn a lot from a relationship between them.

ESFP friendships with NFs

An ESFPs relationship with an NF will also suffer from the lack of an intuitive function, making understanding each other difficult sometimes. However, their shared feeling function can overcome this problem ² . ESFPs are feeling types, which means they use introverted feeling to make decisions. This gives them a connection with NFs, who also use a feeling function, as well as a fair amount of emotional intelligence. ESFPs are naturally warm and empathetic, which will attract NFs, and they also have a sometimes well-hidden sensitivity to them. This makes them a good match for NFs, who instinctively tune into the emotional states of others and are careful to avoid causing harm.

ESFP friendships with SJs

ESFPs can become very good friends with some SJ types. Their shared sensing function means they see the world through the lens of their physical senses, and this ensures smoother communication and understanding. The ESFPs relationship with SJs isn’t likely to be as smooth as with other SP types, due to the J or judging designation, but it’s also likely to be one in which both parties learn and grow through their relationship. People with the J designation use introverted sensing, which gives them a respect for the past and for traditions, and an internal focus that the ESFP can learn from and be challenged by. The SJs focus on organizing and controlling the external world could also help to temper the ESFPs sometimes reckless behavior and tendency to act first and think about it later. And this could result in a life filled with safer and healthier adventures for the ESFP.

ESFP friendships with SPs

ESFPs will usually have a lot of SP friends. The shared extraverted intuition function means they will usually meet each other while out in the world, exploring everything it has to offer. This will often result in a very natural, organic friendship, where the ESFP and the SP naturally gravitate together to increase their enjoyment and support each other’s lifestyle. These friendships are the ones that give ESFPs the most joy, they’re challenging in the way that ESFPs enjoy, and both parties will push the other to do more, be more, and experience more. And this is precisely what the ESFP wants from life.

Final Thoughts

If you’re friends with an ESFP, you can expect your days to be filled with fun, adventure and laughter filled conversation. This type thoroughly enjoys their relationships, and will put a lot of themselves into keeping their friendships happy and healthy, and this is a great quality to have in one of your friends. For an ESFP, friendships are one of the things that make life interesting and worth living, and every personality type could benefit from this kind of attitude towards their connections with others.

References

1. “The Dominant Function“. (Retrieved Jan 2018).
2. Moore Julie. “Introverted iNtuition vs Extroverted iNtuition“. Feb 25, 2015. (Retrieved Jan 2018).
3. Storm Susan, “What Type of Feeler Are You? The Difference Between Extraverted and Introverted Feeling“. Aug 24, 2015. (Retrieved Jan 2018).
4. “ESFP – The Performer“.

Footnotes

1. People who use a sensing function to learn (introverted or extraverted sensing), learn by gathering information through their senses. But people who use an intuitive function may be barely aware of sensory information. They often gather this information unconsciously and use it to make and predict patterns. This is how they learn. This process is internal, takes concentrated thought, and isn’t well understood by sensing types.
2. When people use a feeling function as their strengths it means they make decisions based on the information this function is interested in, that is emotional information. That doesn’t mean they don’t use metrics to make decisions of course, but the emotional information is what they notice first and put more weight on.