The ESFJ Parent

General Overview

ESFJs make natural parents because their dominant feeling function is dedicated to making other people happy. When they have children, all this nurturing care turns onto their offspring, which usually makes them attentive and emotionally aware parents. ESFJs can naturally sense the emotions and the needs of others, so they find it easy to understand what their children need and find a lot of joy in making sure they get it. For an ESFJ, parenting is a serious job that requires all of their attention and skill and their children flourish under this level of care and concern.

Household Organization and Discipline

ESFJs are very good at organizing their household and their children. Their dominant function, extraverted feeling, drives them to care for others in any way they can and a big part of that is setting limits on behavior and making sure that people follow it. This is all a part of their incredible emotional awareness, ESFJs are constantly aware that society has rules and their children need to follow them if they want to succeed. They make sure this happens with a finesse that few others can match, a mixture of firmness and support that ensures they don’t become overbearing but are respected by their children.

The ESFJ and Emotional Support

ESFJs really shine when it comes to giving emotional support to their children. They have an incredible amount of emotional intelligence, which means they understand others’ needs almost before they do. An ESFJ will be warm and supportive when their children need it and will usually teach their children emotional intelligence just by their very example. This is likely to be a very important part of a child’s development to the ESFJ, as they are so sensitive themselves, and they’ll be very happy when their child shows the same kind of care for the people around them.

The ESFJs Engagement Level

An ESFJ parent will be very engaged with their children. To this type, the bonds of family are everything, and family outings and togetherness are likely to be at the top of their priority list. They can go overboard with this however and end up smothering their child, particularly as they get older. ESFJs are likely to want to be in control of everything about their children’s lives, from their schooling to their social lives, and this often causes conflict as the child grows and tries to assert their independence. If the ESFJ doesn’t work on letting go at this stage, it can cause a lot of problems for the parent child relationship.

The ESFJ and SJ Children

SJ children will thrive under an ESFJ parent’s care. This type likes structure and routines, so the protective world the ESFJ creates for them will be welcome and even expected. SJs also have a natural respect for traditional roles and family structures that the ESFJ parent will share, so they’ll be comforted by the ESFJs efforts to keep the family together and close. They’ll also share the ESFJs belief in the parent’s absolute authority over the child, and will instinctively understand and respect their boundaries. For a SJ child, this combination of traits will give them a deep feeling of stability and security that can make their home life very happy and healthy.

The ESFJ and SP Children

ESFJs may have a lot of conflicts with their SP children as they grow. SPs like to be independent. They have a deep need for autonomy that few others can match and this is often directly in conflict with the ESFJs expectations of the parent child relationship. An SP child will be the first to rebel against the structures, routines and expectations that an ESFJ naturally puts into place, and this is likely to be a very contentious relationship, especially once the SP child reaches the teenage years.

The ESFJ and NF Children

NF children will appreciate the warmth and empathy that an ESFJ parent offers them. NF children are naturally sensitive and often struggle to make their needs and emotional issues known to others. But ESFJ parents, with their keen emotional intelligence, will probably be the exception to this reality. This support and understanding can give NF children a strong foundation on which to grow, and the ESFJ will always be proud of how their NF children develop and are driven to care for the people around them.

The ESFJ and NT Children

There will often be a gap between ESFJ parents and NT children, a place where each does not and perhaps cannot understand each other. ESFJs are practical people who make decisions based on their emotions and their desire to care for others and NTs, with their logical minds, won’t understand that at all. An ESFJ parent will often find NT children cold and too wrapped up in their own thoughts and can sometimes take this NT need for distance personally. They certainly won’t understand the NT need to just sit and think and will wonder why their children aren’t socializing or going out to do things.

An ESFJ parent will also struggle with the NT need to keep their emotions private and deal with them on their own, and may try to push the NT to express their feelings. And to NT, this can feel extremely smothering and even frightening. As a result, an ESFJ parent will usually find themselves trying to find a balance between giving their NT child space and still giving them support for them.

Final Thoughts

ESFJs like their family as close as possible and this will especially include their children. This is why ESFJs enjoy the time during which their children are babies, because they’re completely reliant on them for everything. But as they grow, keeping their family close and happy may become more difficult as their children struggle for independence. ESFJs need to learn to let that happen if they want to keep the parent child relationship happy and healthy.

References

1. Storm Susan. “Understanding ESFJ Feeling“. May 30, 2017. (Retrieved Feb 2018).
2. Moodlie Kirsten. “How Controlling Each Personality Type Can Be“. (Retrieved Feb 2018).
3. “ESFJ – The Caregiver“.