A friendship with an ESFJ can be a real treat. They’re naturally warm and giving, and just love having a large group of friends to enjoy life with. This type is one of the most likely to have a big group of friends and their openness and warmth means that their friends will come from all walks of life and almost all personality types. There is little that this personality type doesn’t know about making or keeping friends, they’re experts at it. And this article will allow you to learn a little more about how they do it.
ESFJs make great friends, which is why they usually have a large group of friends, some of them more casual and some very close. And there are good reasons for that. ESFJs are warm, naturally friendly and outgoing, and know what it takes to keep relationships strong. This means that they spent a lot of quality time working on their relationships, and you’ll rarely find an ESFJ who neglects someone they care about. The ESFJ will be there for you in the good times and the bad, sturdy supports that give great advice and empathetic, expert emotional support.
ESFJs lead with the cognitive function extraverted feeling. People who use this function like to spend lots of time with other people. They enjoy helping others get their needs met, helping out wherever possible, and generally making sure that others are feeling good. This function is almost magical in the amount of emotional intelligence it gives users, and because ESFJs use it as a dominant function 1 , their emotional intelligence has to be seen to be believed. They can sense others pain, and will work to alleviate it, almost instinctively, and because of this their instincts to nurture others will always win out. These are the friends who will be there when something goes wrong, and will support you until you can stand on your own again.
One potential problem with this altruism is that it can go too far. ESFJs can be so obsessed with helping others that they become run down themselves and need to withdraw until they’re back to full strength. This is made worse by the fact that some people will take advantage of the ESFJs warm and giving nature, not only hurting them but making them doubt the goodness of the people around them. This is an incredible blow to this type, who are more sensitive than they appear. So people who are friends with them need to be careful to avoid taking advantage of them, even unknowingly, and encourage the ESFJ to take care of themselves as well.
ESFJ friendships with NTs
An ESFJ will usually have trouble being friends with an NT. Their open, emotional nature doesn’t mesh well with the rational, almost cold logic and viewpoint of the NTs. This can result in the NT dismissing them as too flighty and emotional, or even illogical. And ESFJs often find NTs too cold and critical. NTs see nothing wrong with telling a friend where and how they’re wrong, they’d usually expect that kind of honesty themselves and often see it as a mark of respect. But ESFJs experience this kind of critical input as an attack, and will withdraw. There is nothing that hurts ESFJs more than realizing that a friend doesn’t approve of them in some way, and the infamous NT directness will only make the situation worse.
ESFJ friendships with NFs
The emotional connection between NFs and ESFJs can make this relationship very rewarding for both personality types. NFs use an emotional function as one of their strengths, which gives them the ability to deeply connect with ESFJs and understand their way of seeing the world. They also have the emotional sensitivity to avoid taking advantage of or hurting the sensitive ESFJ, and can expect the same kind of care and consideration in return. The warm and empathetic connection between these types is often precisely what each type is looking for, and results in a long and happy friendship that lasts through tests and trials and time.
ESFJ friendships with SJs
Like most types, ESFJs will enjoy friendships with SJ types like themselves. The shared view of the world, the respect for tradition and the past, and the preference for an organized world that comes along with the SJ designation will mesh almost perfect with the ESFJs preferences. SJs types will share the introverted sensing function as their dominant or auxiliary function, which will allow for this shared way of seeing the world and respect for the past. Any friendship between these types will have few barriers to understanding and an easy communication style that allows them to build trust easily.
ESFJ friendships with SPs
SPs can make good friends for the enthusiastic ESFJ. Although SPs use a different sensing function, extraverted sensing versus the ESFJs introverted sensing, ESFJs do use extraverted intuition as their tertiary function. 2 This function works to support the dominant function and can be used as a defensive position, when a person is angry or hurt. But ESFJs often use it to encourage themselves to be playful and to explore the external world. This function is not their strength, but ESFJs can use it in this limited way to understand and match a SPs drive to explore the external world and new experiences. This means that a relationship between these types will often be exciting, and a source of growth for both types as they learn to overcome their natural inclinations to allow a strong connection between them.
Forming a friendship with an ESFJ means enjoying a tight, warm bond that will be there for you whenever you need it. And this is what ESFJs like most about their connections with others, being able to give and help and receive in return. As long as you remain true to your ESFJ, and don’t take advantage of their good nature, you will have a long, warm and happy friendship with this type. And the ESFJ will always be happy that you’re in their life.
- “Extraverted Feeling (Fe)“. (Retrieved Jan 2018).
- Pearman Roger. “Inconvenient Observations: Questions on the Role and Attitude of the Third Function“. (Retrieved Jan 2018).
- Priebe, Heidi. “How Each Cognitive Function Manifests Based On Its Position In Your Stacking“. December 17, 2015. (Retrieved Jan 2018).
- “ESFJ – The Caregiver“.
- The dominant function often determines your innate skills and abilities, which is why ESFJs have such high emotional intelligence. But it also determines what you’re interested in. This is why ESFJs are so good with emotions, because they pay attention and think about them as much as they can.
- The tertiary function is often underdeveloped compared to the dominant and auxiliary function and will never grow to the same level of competency as these stronger functions. However, it can be used in limited ways to encourage understanding, though it is more often used negatively, to lash out or hide in times of stress or pain. Using this function positively like this is very good for the users’ personal development.