The ENFJ Romantic Relationships

Romantic Relationship Expectations

ENFJs are always on the lookout for a long term, committed relationship. They’re not known for playing around very much or for being casual about their relationships and they won’t accept that from their partners either. ENFJs will be a dedicated support system for their romantic partners and will also need this in return, even if they do get so focused on the other person’s needs that they forget this sometimes. An ENFJs partner needs to be very aware of their tendency to neglect their own needs and get burned out. To maintain their healthy relationship, their partner needs to be able and willing to remind the ENFJ to take care of themselves as well.

ENFJs love to show their partner that they care, usually by performing acts of service or having long and in-depth conversations about their partner’s needs and wants. They also have a very high emotional intelligence, which means they’re quite happy to share how they feel verbally with their partners. An ENFJs partner will always know how the ENFJ is feeling about their relationship and this can be of great benefit, particularly if the partner doesn’t have the same level of emotional intelligence.

Meeting Potential Partners

ENFJs love to be around people so they’re most likely to meet romantic partners while they’re already out socializing. This type usually has no trouble attracting potential partners because of their natural warmth and welcoming nature and they’re more likely to have too many prospects than none. ENFJs naturally draw potential partners to them, and their focus on finding that strong relationship they want means that they’re constantly evaluating the people around them to see if they’re likely to be a good match.

ENFJs are also natural caretakers. This can be an amazing thing for the people around them, but it can also lead the ENFJ down troubling paths. If ENFJs sense that others are troubled or in distress they want to help, and may form relationships with people they want to save. This can lead to the other person using them and the ENFJ getting burned out trying to save them. This is definitely not the type of relationship that an ENFJ, or anyone really, should be in, and they need to be aware of this tendency when they’re evaluating potential partners.

ENFJs in the Honeymoon Phase

In the honeymoon phase ENFJs are dedicated and determined to show they can be good partners. They typically avoid conflict, even at this stage, and so will encourage lots of deep conversations about how the relationship is going to ensure that both parties are on the same page. ENFJs can also naturally sense other people’s moods through their dominant extraverted feeling function, which helps them to sense problems as soon as they arise, and this can be of great benefit during the tumultuous early days of a new relationship. ¹

This is also when ENFJs natural urge to care for people starts to come out. Their new partner will usually find the ENFJ eager to help and to meld their lives together in the best way to help them reach their goals. This can be a problem for the more independent types however, and ENFJs need to be a little wary of going too fast and overwhelming their partner with too much desire for togetherness before they’re both ready.

Moving Past the Honeymoon Phase

In the long term, ENFJs need to get over their avoidance of conflict if they want a healthy romantic relationship. Every relationship has conflict, and avoiding it only causes worse problems down the track. Unfortunately, this is a truth that ENFJs often avoid in favor of keeping the peace in the present moment. This is something they need to work on for a long term, lasting relationship.

ENFJs also need to be aware of their sometimes overwhelming need to help others. They’re often natural people pleasers and can take this too far, putting everything into the relationship and scaring their partners away with their intensity. Their desire to keep the other person happy can actually undermine their relationship because few people can match the ENFJs dedication in relationships. ENFJs need to be aware that other types are looking for different things and try to balance their need to please their partner with taking care of their own needs at the same time.

The ENFJs Ideal Partners

Like most intuitive types, ENFJs prefer partners who share an intuitive function as their dominant or auxiliary function. This is not a hard and fast rule of course, there are many factors that create attraction, but sharing an intuitive function means the ENFJ can enjoy the deep, abstract conversations that are a big part of how they bond with others. They also do well if their partner is a feeler type, which means they use a feeling function to make decisions. ² This makes their partner better able to understand the ENFJs decisions and way of seeing the world. It also means that their partner can understand how easily ENFJs get burned out by the emotions of others and be able to offer assistance and support when that happens.

ENFJs can have trouble bonding with independent personality types, particularly those who use extraverted sensing. This function drives people to explore the world and all its possibilities, but it also creates some very independent people who usually need a little emotional distance from others. ENFJs, with their need to be as close to their partners as possible, can be overwhelming to this type, and a relationship between them often ends with the ENFJ left confused and heartbroken as their partner runs from the intensity of their feelings and attachment.

Final Thoughts

ENFJs like to be in relationships and they’re naturally good at them. Their extraverted feeling function means they can sense their partner’s needs and moods without much trouble and they enjoy dedicating themselves to making the other person happy both in the relationship and out of it. This can be a disadvantage when the ENFJ goes too far, burning themselves out and neglecting their own needs, and every healthy ENFJ needs to be aware of this danger and take steps to avoid it.

References

1. “Dr. Gary Chapman Explains The 5 Love Languages“. Apr 23, 2013. (Retrieved Jan 2018).
2. Dr Drenth A. J. “Extraverted Feeling (Fe)“. (Retrieved Jan 2018).
3. Furnham Adrian, Ph.D. “Interpersonal Attraction“. Mar 24, 2017. (Retrieved Jan 2018).
4. “Extraverted Sensing (Se)“. (Retrieved Jan 2018).
5. “ENFJ – The Mentor“.

Footnotes

1.  Extraverted feeling can literally sense the emotions of others and immediately starts working out how to improve them. It can be an incredibly selfless function and often drives users to dedicate themselves to helping other people in some way.
2.  This means that their partner should use a feeling function, either introverted or extraverted feeling, as their dominant or auxiliary function.