The ENFJ Friendship Experience

ENFJs are some of the friendliest, warmest people you will ever be around. They draw people to them naturally, people who sense their wish to look after them and their ability to do so really well. This can be an incredible benefit to their friendships and to the people around them, but it can also be a source of pain and even damage for the ENFJ. But the threat of this pain will never be enough to stop this type from trying again and again to help the people around them.

General Overview

ENFJs lead with the function extraverted feeling. This function focuses on other people. It can sense the mood in a room within seconds and will immediately start planning how to improve it. And it’s usually quite effective at doing this because people feel better around ENFJs. They’re so warm and friendly, so focused on other people that other types flock to them. And the ENFJ works hard on their relationships as well. They understand instinctively that a relationship takes work and they’re happy to put in that work and make sure that the relationship is healthy as well as the people in it.

“ENFJs can easily shift perspectives using their auxiliary function of introverted intuition. This helps them to understand how others view the world, which is why they find it easy to talk to all personality types.”
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ENFJs can easily shift perspectives using their auxiliary function of introverted intuition. This helps them to understand how others view the world, which is why they find it easy to talk to all personality types. They also have a fundamental respect for other points of view, which means that others automatically trust them and want to share things with them, and this makes for instant connections as well as deeper ones. But despite the fact that ENFJ often have a lot of friends, they’re a little choosier when it comes to their close friends. The people who belong to this category must be able to share and understand their principles and their idealistic view on the world. And they must also be dedicated to the ENFJs deep commitment to growth and self-development in every facet of life.

Friendships with NTs

“However, if both of these types work on their connection, friendships between NTs and ENFJs can be a major source of growth for both personality types. Each of these types can learn a lot from the other.”
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A friendship between an NT and an ENFJ will either be very good, or it will be very bad. Both of these types share the intuitive function, which makes for good relationships, but because NTs often lack emotional intelligence it can also make for a tumultuous relationship. NTs can often be quite blunt and insensitive because of their lack of emotional understanding, and this can hurt ENFJs or cause them to over extend themselves trying to connect on a more emotional level. Most NTs find emotional connections difficult, though the degree of difficulty is often dependent on their personality type and their mental and emotional health levels, and this can create a barrier to a friendship between these types.

However, if both of these types work on their connection, friendships between NTs and ENFJs can be a major source of growth for both personality types. Each of these types can learn a lot from the other. In fact, often ENFJs and NTs have completely opposite strengths, which means they can learn to mitigate their own weaknesses through a friendship like this. This makes a relationship between these types well worth the struggle and misunderstandings.

Friendships with NFs

Like most personality types, ENFJs will usually get along quite well with people who share similar functions such as other NFs. This type will have the love of deep conversations that ENFJs enjoy as well as a shared feeling function. ENFJs, with their need for emotional support and their dedication to giving it, will find other NFs to be the perfect friends to fill these needs. Other NFs can also better understand the ENFJs tendency to overextend themselves in their desire to help other people, and be able to take steps to make sure the ENFJ meets their own needs as well. That’s why a friendship between these types will often be long, happy, and filled with emotional support and understanding.

Friendships with SPs

“ENFJs can appreciate this zest for life and new experiences, but the independence that goes along with it can short circuit any relationship between these types.”
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SPs use extraverted sensing as their dominant function and this can be both a benefit and a barrier in their relationship with ENFJs. This function drives SPs to explore the world, to constantly be on the move seeking novelty. ENFJs can appreciate this zest for life and new experiences, but the independence that goes along with it can short circuit any relationship between these types. ENFJs like to take care of the people around them, and they like to have that reciprocated when possible. SPs, with their deep need to be free and unbound by social expectations, often chafe at this kind of bond. And if an ENFJ realizes their efforts at taking care of others aren’t appreciated or reciprocated when necessary they’ll withdraw in offense and not try again.

Friendships with SJs

ENFJs can get along with everyone, but they won’t typically choose SJs as their closest friends. SJs tend to be too rigid, too tightly bound to the present and the past to understand and walk beside the idealistic ENFJ, who is often constantly working towards self-improvement. ENFJs are future focused and they enjoy working towards personal growth and trying to change the world so it more closely resembles how they think it should be. In contrast, SJs have a deep attachment to the past that can cause them to keep repeating the same patterns throughout their lives even if those patterns prove to be infective. This vastly different way of life usually results in the ENFJ being interested in the way SJs think, they’re always interested in others points of view, but they’ll usually go to other types for the deep connections they need.

Final Thoughts

ENFJs are more sensitive than they seem. Although they make friends easily, mostly because of their innate desire to look after others and natural warmth, they need more looking after than most would think. To be close to an ENFJ is to be cared for and nurtured, and to never lose sight of the fact that the ENFJ needs the same in return to be healthy and happy. And anyone who’s not willing to do this should just stay away before they do more damage.