ENFJs are people orientated. They work hard to make sure that the people around them are happy and healthy, even to their own detriment, so they’re often dedicated and attentive family members. As parents, siblings, grandparents or spouses, ENFJs use their emotional intelligence to help others get their emotional and physical needs met, and their skills can be an incredible benefit to any family group.
ENFJs and their Family Structures
ENFJs are devoted to making other people happy, and this need often overcomes their own personal needs. They want the best for the people around them, and will work towards this even if they don’t totally agree with what other people want for their lives. For these reasons, ENFJs are usually open to the idea of non-traditional family structures such as single parent or so called broken families. For ENFJs, the happiness of the people around them is far more important than traditional values.
This openness usually carries over into every part of the ENFJs family life. They’re unlikely to take on roles in the family just because of tradition, and have little interest in institutions or values that don’t make sense to them. This means that they won’t see the point of upholding traditional values within their family just because things have always been that way. ENFJs use introverted intuition as their auxiliary function and this gives them a certain independence of mind and thinking that often rejects long held traditions for their lack of flexibility and irrelevance to the modern world. They also use extraverted sensing as their tertiary function, which gives them a flexibility and a need for autonomy that conflicts with rigid, traditional values and norms.
One issue ENFJs may have is with their strong ties to social norms. This type is so socially minded that they can become too bound to what the people around them think is right rather than what they think is right. When this happens, ENFJs can become very rigid and inflexible, showing an unpleasant side that’s surprising considering their usual warmth.
The Dark Side of Families
ENFJs want to make others happy, and this desire can create problems for them because they’ll often sacrifice their own needs and wants for other family members. This need to please can compel them to accept an open relationship or other configurations that they don’t really want just to make others happy. In these types of situations, ENFJs need to get very clear on what they want and don’t, and make sure they convey that need to others. This tendency can also manifest in darker situations. Because their extroverted feeling dominant function is so dedicated to creating harmony in their family, they may force themselves to put up with situations that they shouldn’t just to keep the peace. This can be extremely dangerous for the ENFJ, and for the people around them, and is a quality that this type needs to be aware of.
Domestic Life and Potential Sources of Stress
ENFJs are dedicated to their family members and will usually be happy to organize the everyday schedule as well as special events. Socializing is where this type shines, and they’ll be the first to suggest parties or celebrations, and get everything organized and everyone invited. This can actually be a serious cause of stress for this type. Because they like to organize, and are really good at it, they often find themselves overworked and overbooked in this area. Family members will assume they don’t need or want help and leave all the social planning to them. And if the ENFJ is trying to work and run their household at the same time it can become overwhelming. In these types of situations, ENFJs may suffer emotionally or even physically, because they’ll neglect themselves in favor of trying to keep everyone happy.
Finances and other Responsibilities
ENFJs are usually very good at everything to do with running a household. A big part of having a healthy and happy family is having a clean, organized house and ENFJs will work hard to make sure this happens. An ENFJs house is usually extremely tidy and organized, because this is what helps make a family happy and healthy, and that’s what makes ENFJs happy. And just to add to this, ENFJs are judging types, which means that they usually like to have their external world organized so they can focus properly, and this trait influences their cleaning tendencies as well. 1
ENFJs can be a little irresponsible with money. Most of the time, they see money as an essential component of a happy family life, and will safeguard this need with the same dedication as any other. However, because ENFJs are so focused on making people happy they may overspend, trading long term security for short term happiness. This can be a particular problem when they’re involved with people who take advantage of their good nature and their desire to please, and ENFJs need to look out for these people, as well as this potential problem.
Going the Extra Mile in Families
ENFJs will always do whatever they can for their family members. They will usually be the empathetic center, ready and willing to do whatever it takes to help others get their needs met. Because of the ENFJs dominant extraverted feeling function, they often know what others want and need before they themselves know. This is their genius, and it can lead to very happy family members and an extremely harmonious life. This giving nature will extend to every member of the extended family and ENFJs will usually be right in the middle of everything. They’ll thrive when they can help out and socialize with others, and their love of being around people and helping them wherever possible will be a gift in troubled times and in good times as well.
In a family, ENFJs will be warm, empathetic and giving parents, siblings and partners. Their dedication to making everyone else happy can lead them into trouble in destructive situations, but in nourishing and healthy families it will be the source of a lot of happiness and security. ENFJs are often the core of their family groups, providing every member with a source of strength and comfort no matter what is happening. And ENFJs often find that these types of relationships offer the truest and deepest contentment they’ve ever known.
- “Introverted Intuition (Ni)“. (Retrieved Feb 2018).
- “Tactics: Judging vs Prospecting“. (Retrieved Feb 2018).
- “ENFJ – The Mentor“.